Why Do Mormon Wives Need Secret Lives?: The Psychology of #MomTok

A new reality TV show hit the airwaves this year and it showed behind-the-scenes of #MomTok, a popular hashtag on Tiktok. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is the talk of the town and we are all in!

First reactions to the series

There are so many more Mormon influencers than we realized, but this seems to be a new generation of influencers. They are young moms dancing together on TikTok and supporting their families while doing so. Taylor Frankie Paul announced on her page in June of 2022 that the group apparently had a “soft swinging” circle and it was the reason for her upcoming divorce. You can read more about what Paul said about her reasoning behind exposing the group here. 

Have we heard of #MomTok before this show?

We had not heard of #MomTok until the soft-swinging scandal made national headlines. But the general population seems to be very interested in the behind-the-scenes of Mormon lives. The secretive lives of Mormon wives have piqued many people’s interest. Mormon culture is very niche. They have habits and rules that outsiders don’t understand, which makes them fascinating. There’s also a lot of secrecy in the Mormon culture. Temples, garments, and other mysterious practices in the church make us all very curious about what goes on behind closed doors.

Relationships Gone Wrong

Let’s talk about the turbulent relationships that we see on the show! There are a variety of relationships that are portrayed as unhealthy, controlling, and, let’s face it, toxic. These secret lives of Mormon wives reveal many hidden struggles.

Taylor and Dakota

The show opens highlighting Taylor Frankie Paul. She’s the original #MomToker who outed the group for their soft swinging circle and she also seems to be the most open in sharing her life and struggles. She went through a very public divorce and seems to shoulder the shame of this bravely. 

Then we see the unfolding of her relationship with Dakota and wow does it take a left turn! At the end of episode one, we see a very unfortunate alcohol-infused scene where Taylor is arrested and eventually pleads guilty to aggravated assault charges. Apparently, there’s an argument with Dakota that turns physical. But because the show is filmed over more than a year, there’s a jumpscare from Taylor’s arrest to the next few episodes highlighting her being very pregnant with Dakota’s child and navigating her social and family relationships. So the viewers miss a lot of context between those episodes. 

One of the more heartbreaking things to watch is Taylor feeling incredibly guilty for her pregnancy and her legal issues, which fuels her attempt to get back into the swing of church.  It feels normal to reach back to what feels familiar when things feel scary. 

Jen Affleck and Zac

Pull up a seat because we’ve got to have a serious chat about Jen and Zac Affleck. In earlier episodes, we see some interesting dynamics play out between this couple. Zac demands power and leadership in their family. Then Jen defaults to handing him a lot of power by letting him make big decisions and getting quiet when he becomes demanding. 

But things reach a fever pitch when Jen attends a girls’ trip in Vegas and Zac demands that he attend with her. He definitely gives the impression that he’s controlling and fragile. And fragile men are very problematic. When Jen tries to attend a fun Vegas event with her friends, it ends with a night-long argument where Jen’s friends are left trying to figure out how to support her. We are definitely waiting to see how this relationship plays out in Season 2 of the show.

Whitney

We are introduced to Whitney as she is moving back from Hawaii after moving there spontaneously a few months before. In her interview, she reveals her husband has cheated in their marriage, but she doesn’t really discuss the details. She seems to be advocating for #MomTok to be revived but by the end of the season, she seems to want to step back after getting negative feedback from other ladies in the group. We have to mention that she was also part of another TikTok scandal where she posted a video of her dancing in front of her infant son’s hospital bed while he was being treated for RSV. You can read more about that here. 

Segment: Reality Testing

Who needs a dose of reality on the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives?

M: Whitney seems to be in massive denial about the infidelity going on in her marriage. There’s online rumors about him having dating profiles and actively seeking new relationships. 

Q: I’m voting for Taylor to get out of her relationship with Dakota.  That relationship feels yucky from start to finish. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives makes this very clear.  The mutual jealousy and literal arrest that happened during a fight is not a recipe for success.

Segment: The Intake

What are your first impressions of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives? 

M: I’m fascinated with the very niche subculture of Mormonism and how it’s playing out on this show.  I think there’s a lot more for us to discover in the next season. 

Q: We’ve got religious trauma and oppression from start to finish here.  A lot of these women are young- even underaged- when they get married.  We have themes of repressed sexuality, guilt and shame, the list goes on!

Segment: Dying to Discuss

What are we dying to discuss in future episodes? 

M: Apparently, Demi has a connection to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City and Bachelorette.  We are going to do a deep dive into that in the next episode so stay tuned!

Q: I need more information on Jen and Zac. I wonder if their exposure is going to give Jen some freedom to tell Zac to act right. We will certainly see more of the hidden lives of Mormon wives revealed.

If video is your thing, we are on YouTube! You can watch our show here: